I just what to understand why things happen to this way

I sometimes asked myself
If that i did for my own welfare
was what I need...
because I feel right now that I need another thing

If I could have some help to understand...
If someone could help me to guide myself...

I don't want to

She decided to be sat and just wait for that something instead to go in order to find out what was lacking her.
It passed autumn and winter and she was still sat, people walked in front of her and look at her trying to understand, but she knew that nobody was able to know what's happening in her mind even she knew that probably she will be sat there until the end.
Regardless she was until there... waiting.